I feel like I am under an immense amount of pressure right now. I feel like I am letting work down, uni down, you guys down. But most importantly, I’m letting myself down and my mental health is suffering as a result.
And I’ve cracked.
I knew something had to give but I never knew which one it was going to be until now. It couldn’t be myself – I have been in a bad place before and I made a promise to myself to never go back there. It couldn’t be uni – I’m in my final year and I am not going to let myself get this far just to give up on the final hurdle.
So that left work and this. Work, the place that pays me, gave me some very valuable skills and, of course, amazing friends and colleagues. Or this, jessiecrescent – something I started 4 years ago whilst I was taking my A levels but also something I have always been passionate about and, in a way, somewhere that was a completely different life. I have watched this blog grow and even though I have no idea what I want to do in the future, this blog has always been a place to go to when the life around me was changing. It hasn’t stayed the same, it has changed with me but I don’t see that as a negative.
So, on top of everything it was only really down to two things: money or passion. Obviously the choice was an easy one to make and that is my passion and you guys. I mean how could it be any other option anyway? I don’t have the most amazing blog, I don’t make loads of money from it but I don’t really want to right now, because its my blog and something I love coming back to each week.
I thought I should have explained myself first as some things are going to be changing here on jessiecrescent. I’m going to be redesigning the blog over the next few months so nothing will change right away but it is in the process. I also want to upload more content for you guys. I’m not sure how that will work as although I have stopped working the position I held over the summer, I have dropped back down to Food and Beverage Assistant meaning I will still work 2 or 3 shifts a week. But I am going to try my hardest to blog more and even though this might not be 2 posts a week, I want to try my hardest to up my content from 4 posts a month to 6. Over the past few weeks I’ve been planning a lot of posts and am really excited about them but I don’t want to upload them all at once and the end up being stuck for ideas.
So that is where I’m at. After a long, rambling post I think I’ve explained everything going on in my head right now and I hope it all makes sense!
I hope you guys have a lovely weekend