Diary 003: working 60 hours and crossing the pond

When someone asks what I’m doing over the summer and I say I’m staying down in Falmouth as opposed to going home, they think its all beach days, cliff diving and drinking by the sea.

It’s not.

The past few weeks have been very hectic ones and I haven’t really had a chance to breath. I was working around 50 hours each week – one week that went up to 60 which drained me so much. I was left with no motivation but then realised if I wanted to be consistent with my blog, I’d have to push through that. Luckily after one sit down session I planned all of my content up until September (just need to write them now) and got a bit more organised with my life. I’ve been starting to go to the gym more, have been focussing on my mental health and speaking up for myself when I don’t want to cover someone’s shift because I’m working myself into the ground.

I wasn’t sure what to do for today’s post so I thought I’d just have a little ramble about self motivation/whatever falls into my head as I write – so grab a cup of tea because this could be a long one. I also haven’t written like this for a while so it might be nice to get everything out.

As you read this I’ll be in New York City after flying out yesterday. I am so excited for this trip! The last time I went to America was on my year out when I went to meet family in Miami and spend a little bit of time in LA. I’ve been itching to get back over there ever since and explore more of the states. And so, with assignments out of the way and a week off work me and my sister thought what better way to spend our time than to go to New York? I’m also finally 21 so am legally allowed to drink in the states too.

I’ve recently been missing my family a lot as well which is hard when I’m so far away from them and sometimes a phone call isn’t enough. There are days when I’ve just wanted to stay in bed wishing I’ve had my dogs with me to get me through but sadly they’re 300 miles away and have no concept of time or how long I’ve been gone for. This is quite weird for me as I’ve never been homesick before or have a massive desire to just give my mum the biggest hug in the world but this has hit me so hard and I don’t know why. I have always been the kind of person who needs to be doing something, keeping busy, but that’s all just flipped. Something that’s helped me with this is just counting down the days until I can see her again. I’ve also asked work for a bit of extra time off so I can see all of my family, some of whom I haven’t seen for over 6 months, so it will be really nice to spend a little bit of extra time at home as I won’t be there much over the summer.

I had so many plans and goals for summer but they’ve all suddenly just flopped, I think due to the amount I’m working I will literally wake up, go to work, go home, sleep and repeat 6 days a week. I was really into a stage play I was writing about a month or two ago but again I have lost all motivation to finish that – something that has really gotten to me in the past few days and made me feel unworthy to be on the course I’m on. I want to write, I just don’t know what to write about. It’s very difficult as I write very confessional pieces and when I write, I write in a certain mental state that’s very hard to get in/out of and can sometimes be too overwhelming for me. I’m also a real procrastinator which doesn’t help either.

The best way to get back into the swing of things for me is to just drip feed it into my daily life. I have been using song lyrics as prompts to pieces of writing, tried to read a chapter of my book a day and also note down 3-5 positive things each day. These can be tiny things like change my sheets or go to the gym or schedule a blog post and then I go from there. I’ve also decided to switch my content up a bit as I thought I might be getting bored by uploading the same kind of things. In a couple of weeks I’m uploading my first piece of writing in a long time – the first piece since I rebranded jessiecrescent which is a big deal for me. This piece is something I wrote in first year when we looked at fragmentation. It’s an old piece but one that I love to share with people. It’s made up entirely of Ben Howard lyrics and I can’t wait to share it with you guys.

I’ve been trying to go to the gym 3 times a week. Some weeks this goes well, other times it doesn’t. I’ve been going with my friend Catherine and when we go I love my time there. We both have different strengths and can push each other on different things and dance like sweaty idiots whiles the other tries to work out. She’s also helping me out with some content so you guys will probably see more of her on here in the future.

That’s about it for now, hope you guys have an amazing week. Next Friday’s post will be a travel diary from New York as I loved writing my Budapest travel diary.

Jess xx

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